A Beautiful Friendship

The tables were close together, and a Collegiate parent overheard the conversation.

 

You need to call Karen Doxey, she said and then wrote the number of Collegiate’s hockey coach on a slip of paper.

 

“I went home and called Dox,” M.H. said one day recently. “She said she needed a Cub coach.”

 

Little could either imagine at that moment 30 years ago that such a chance occurrence would be the beginning of a long and enduring coaching association and beautiful family friendship that would extend far beyond the Robins Campus field that now bears Karen’s name.

 

That first fall, M.H. coached a large squad of 7th grade girls, many new to the sport but all taken by her positive, friendly, inclusive nature. M.H. — her given name is Mary-Hunter — made such an impact and found so much joy in the experience that she signed on as a substitute teacher and served as sponsor for Collegiate’s last cheerleading team that winter, then assisted with soccer in the spring.

 

After a two-year hiatus when she and her husband Tut lived in Northern Virginia (and M.H. coached JV hockey at St. Stephen’s-St. Agnes), they returned to Richmond. M.H. joined Dox in the fall of 1996 as a varsity assistant and remained in that role until both retired following the 2021 season.

 

“M.H. is one of those people who has a really warm and welcoming personality,” Dox said. “We became fast friends because she was so friendly and welcoming and could talk to you about anything. She’s a really good communicator. She was a great brainstormer. She always wanted to be helpful. Whether it was me or the kids, she was always there. It was 25 years of her giving and giving and giving.”

 

A native of Hagerstown, Md., M.H. was a charter member of the hockey program at nearby St. James School before she enrolled at Dickinson College where she was a four-year starter (first as a sweeper, later as a midfielder) and two-season captain.

 

Coaching, while a passion, has never been her primary job.

 

“I’ve been in B2B (business to business) sales my entire career,” she said. “It’s always revolved around employee culture, recognition, and gratitude.”

 

Though she’s worked for several companies over the years, she always found time despite a busy schedule to assist with field hockey.

 

“Dox and I just had so much fun, and the Collegiate kids are so amazing,” she said. “I’ve had relationships with so many of them for years, not just the three or four we coached them. The program that Doxey set up was incredible. And at Collegiate, I really felt like field hockey was truly girl-centered, even though internationally it’s a male and female sport. I loved that. But really, my relationship with Doxey was what brought me back year after year. We had fun putting the puzzle pieces together, trying to get those girls to do the best they could together and have the best experience they could. I was addicted to it. I’m not going to lie. I loved it.”

 

Hockey, like any sport, is more practice and preparation than actual game competition. While much of M.H.’s coaching responsibility involved offense, she was an invaluable resource off the field. She and Dox talked regularly, they talked often, and they talked in depth.

 

“Sometimes it was calling during the school day,” Dox said. “Sometimes it was at night. Sometimes on the weekends. Sometimes it was after practice at Starbucks.”

 

Or after games. Actually, almost always after games.

 

“Win or lose, we’d go to Starbucks,” M.H. said. “These were classic long meetings. I can’t tell you the number of hours she spent figuring out how to position us to be the best we could be and how often we’d come back out and put them into place. We didn’t always agree, but she heard me out. She would come to a decision, and I respected that tremendously. I respected her knowledge of the sport. I never pretended that I had the knowledge she had. I learned so much from her.”

 

The operative words, actually sentiments, were loyalty, honesty, trust, and mutual respect.

 

“Totally agree,” Dox said. “We could work on priorities or problems. As a coach, you’re always trying to figure out how you can get the most bang for your buck. What’s going to be the thing that gets you where you want to be? A lot of it was M.H.’s adaptability. She knew I wanted things done a certain way. We always had a reason why we did things. She loved being there and helping kids and the program. She had a great way of showing empathy as well as encouragement. She was a connector and unifier. She always wanted to help, whether it was hockey or anything else.”

 

For M.H., it was a labor of love.

 

“I enjoyed the camaraderie of it,” she said. “I’d played sports my whole life. I loved the teamwork, but I didn’t have a ton of opportunities when I was younger to have those deep team relationships. I loved the psychology side of helping kids see their way through tough challenges, mentally as well as physically, and learn about themselves, and in doing so, I learned a lot about myself.”

 

There was more, of course.

 

“Dox was really organized and really clear on her vision,” M.H. continued. “What I brought was the ability to bounce ideas off of. I worked in business, so I brought business to it. We had a symbiotic relationship. We were very different, but in being different we matched up really well. The joy of coaching children was seeing them accomplish something they didn’t think they could. There’s a joy in polishing the points of others’ stars and watching them thrive. That’s the reason I love coaching: seeing a kid succeed in an area they had no idea they could.”

Now it’s over. Kelsey Smither, who came to Collegiate a year ago as assistant AD and hockey coach following stints at Ball State and Georgetown, will assume the leadership position.

 

“I hate to see it end because it was so much fun,” M.H. said, “but it’s time for others to come along. We have the right person. There’re so many happy memories, and the same great legacy will continue. The experience was a gem. It was a gem for all of us.”

~Weldon Bradshaw