A Visit With Brenda Conlan

Brenda Conlan’s jet-set life is back in full-swing.
The Cape Cod-based prevention specialist, who has presented to Collegiate 8th graders twice a year since 2000 (except the Covid-shutdown spring of 2020), has returned to her pre-pandemic pace traveling to schools throughout the world to lend her wisdom and insights about the ever-evolving challenges facing adolescents in these uncertain times.
 
Students and their parents welcome her plain-spoken guidance delivered honestly, authentically, and without sugar-coating because her message (“Delay. Delay. Delay.”) is that important. Faculty and staff consider her a valued friend and colleague who shares their calling of creating the best possible environment for the young people entrusted to their care.
 
After returning home in mid-October from her annual fall junket to the American School in London, she hopped in her car, headed to Richmond, and spent three weeks sharing her expertise at Trinity Episcopal and Collegiate (Nov. 8-17).
 
During a break in her schedule, she shared her thoughts and observations.
 
What’s the focus of this fall’s visit?
I meet the kids initially in 7th grade. Those are very short visits in the advisory sessions, like 25 minutes long. Once they get into 8th grade, it’s a much more robust program. I have them for three whole class periods and really get to know the kids, get to know their names. The drugs that I focus on are the same old triple crown: nicotine, alcohol, and marijuana. I’m also talking about fentanyl with every group because it’s such a hazard right now. It’s showing up in so many different substances. Very often, teenagers who overdose on fentanyl don’t even know they’re using opiates. They think they’re trying ecstasy or cocaine, and it’s laced with fentanyl. That’s a safety conversation that I’m having with kids.
 
What questions are kids asking?
Any drugs the students want to know more about, of course, they can bring up, and we can talk about those. They want to know the real-life answer about what really happens to people. They don’t want exaggerated warnings. They also know that people are bragging about getting high in popular music. They want to know what’s true. What is in marijuana? What does it actually do to your brain and your lungs and your life? Their questions are reasonable and realistic. What is the real story on these drugs? That’s what I try to give them.
 
I really focus on how it impacts relationships. That’s where you’re going to get the most bang for your buck with kids. They’re very interested in the relationships they have with each other but also the relationships they have with their families. When they connect the dots, they hear that people with substance abuse problems very often are living chaotic lives and their relationships are in disarray. That sounds very uncomfortable to them. It goes back to trust and respect. If somebody is a substance abuser, it’s very hard to trust that person. Ultimately, they lose respect for their dysfunctional lives.
 
So a theme of your presentations is developing healthy relationships?
Relationships drive a lot of behavior for young people. That can be negative, and that can be positive. Obviously, if a kid is hanging out with an edgy crowd that’s doing dangerous things, they could get into negative behavior patterns if they’re trying to impress those people. If they’re hanging out with healthy kids who are doing positive things, that’s going to have a positive effect on them.
  
I also think that kids who have really solid, healthy relationships with their parents make much better decisions because they’re trying to take care of those relationships. Kids who have a lot of distance in their relationship with their parents are more at risk. There’s more room for poor decision-making.
 
Sounds like rather than telling kids what to do and what not to do, you’re providing information so they can make informed, educated decisions.
That’s precisely what I hope is happening. Think about all the input they’re getting. The world of social media and just regular media is just so huge and overwhelming. Information is coming at them at such lightning speed. They’re getting a lot of messages about alcohol and other drugs from a lot of different sources like celebrities, music, athletes, different personalities, and they have to sift through all that and figure out what’s true. I try to help them do that.
 
And you’re taking the lessons you learned the hard way and paying them forward?
That’s what I hope, but I do think that with middle-school aged kids, they’re really trying to figure out what does it mean to be alive. That’s exciting. I like that energy.
 
And that’s what keeps you going?
I still feel inspired by young people. I want to know them. I want to continue to be in contact with them. I also feel like if I can take a negative experience that I had with family alcoholism and my own problems with addiction as a younger person and somehow turn that into something useful for this generation, I’m happy to do that.
  ~Weldon Bradshaw

 Please click here to visit Brenda Conlan's website.
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