Lessons From the School of Hard Knocks

11/11/2018

Nothing ever goes away until it teaches us what we need to know.

Pema Chödrön

So very true, and Brenda Conlan is living proof.

How else but with her degree from the school of hard knocks would she have the ability and credibility to teach the lessons she so fervently and earnestly conveys?

Since 1994, Conlan, a Cape Cod-based prevention specialist, has traveled widely to educate students, parents, and teachers about the dangers of the use and abuse of alcohol and other drugs. Twice a year since 2000, she’s conducted programs at Collegiate geared to helping Middle School students make healthy lifestyle choices.

Her latest stint on North Mooreland Road began November 6 and extends through November 15. A couple of days into her visit, she took time between sessions to talk about her calling.

When you were here last spring, you talked about the dangers of vaping and Juuling. What have you learned since then?

I’ve been learning from listening to kids. I try to get them to talk about it. Kids who are doing it really believe that they’re in the shallow end of the deep, dangerous ocean of drug use. It’s a way to be edgy. They really don’t believe it can actually hurt them. That’s a really muscular myth.

How do you dispel the myth?

There’s a lot of unknown about vaping. We don’t have people who’ve been doing it for 20 or 30 years to look at their health. We know that it’s an aerosol, and there’re many harmful chemicals that are being inhaled.

You’re obviously passionate about your calling.

I’ll tell you a short, little story that I thought was very sad. When I was at a school a few weeks ago, the faculty had a forum with seniors, totally unrelated to my program. One of the faculty members asked the seniors: when you come back in 10 years, what do you hope is the same, and what do you hope is different about this school? One of the girls said, “I hope vaping isn’t a thing anymore.” That really tells you that’s been a point of pain for her.

Are vaping and Juuling your biggest worries?

Right now, the most widely used drug, as always, is alcohol. Followed by tobacco in the form of vaping, followed by marijuana. It used to be the other way around. Private school, public school. Nationwide. Marijuana and tobacco have kind of switched places. But illegal drug use is down. That’s great news.

What do you see at Collegiate?

The oldest kids I work with here are 8^th graders. I will tell you that their chronological age matches their life experience. It’s pretty innocent at this point, but they have questions. They really want to have the conversation. They want to know how many people are (using harmful substances). They’re trying to see if it’s normal, common. Will I be strange if I don’t do it? I let them know that most kids are not doing it. Most kids are making health-enhancing decisions and taking care of themselves.

How do you win their trust?

I tell them the truth about my life, my family background. I approach them from my vulnerability. I grew up in an alcoholic home and struggled myself with substances. I think they appreciate (knowing) that.

How much do you tell them about your own challenges with addiction?

I started when I was 12. Mine was short but passionate: 12 to 17, which, of course, is a terrible time to be doing something as disruptive as using drugs. Five years of drug use took 10 years out of my life. It took me five years to regroup, patch up my relationships, get to the point where I could function. And it took me until I was 25 to stop smoking cigarettes. I tell kids how hard it was to actually put down nicotine.

When did you know that your challenges would provide you a voice to help others?

There was obviously a break. Between 17 and 29, I wasn’t doing this kind of work at all. I went college (University of Massachusetts). I was a language teacher. I was in Germany for four years. I taught German as a second language and English as a second language. There was a 13-year gap between my own addiction problems and doing this work. I needed that distance and that maturity. I present it to kids in a way that it can be useful to them but not a mixed message or a dangerous message.

I love teen-agers. I always knew I wanted to do something that involved young people. When I was younger, I volunteered at rehab centers and counseling centers. I didn’t get my official training in this field until I was older. Now, I can’t imagine doing anything else.

How do you know if you’re successful? Or do you know?

To be honest with you, I don’t know. I hope that I validate kids that are doing great. That’s an important part of this work. I’m here to keep healthy kids healthy.

And hope that those who are on the fence will consider your message and make good decisions?

That would be nice.

-- Weldon Bradshaw

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